Isn't this quote neat? It's from Sexes and Genealogies by Luce Irigaray, the chapter called "Divine Women"
"I have yet to unveil, unmask, or veil myself
for me - to veil myself so as to achieve self-contemplation, for example, to let my gaze travel over myself so as to limit my exposure to the other and repossess my own gestures and garments, thus nestling back into my vision and contemplation of myself." (65)
Pure niceness...
It's taking me forever to get the new Placebo album..what ever happened to our great and vaunted T1 LAN network? It's all those frat boys downloading porn 24/7 that's clogging it up...God forbid one should actually point the finger at our saintly IT department, oh no, they can do nothing wrong....those slags...
It never rains but it pours..I find myself in an interesting position, after months of no love life to speak of , I suddenly have 3 different guys interested and all this happening in the last 3 weeks or so..yikes!
I've already posted about one of them before, I could have sworn at the time that he wasn't interested..just turns out that he was a little bit shy and didn't screw up the courage to tell me until
after he realised that I was seeing Shawn...oh and mystery contestant number 3 just wants to fool around no strings attached..thank God or else I would have to have a chastity belt installed..
In the meantime, things with Shawn are taking a turn for the new, I think I'll post about that soon, but for the moment I can say this; "Why didn't I meet him earlier?"
The moment you stop looking for someone to being your life is the exact moment that it happens to you, regardless of whether it is convenient or not...
So to D I say; too bad, you had your chance and you didn't take it while I was still free..To Mr. Slap and Tickle, I say, dreams can come true...and to you dear reader I say, don't you wish I had a webcam installed? :-p
Yikes, havent posted anything substantial here in ages....not that anyone out there would notice. I think it's the sheer volume of things I could post about that I just can't handle. For instance, I'm not going to graduate school in the fall. Why? No self-respecting school would let my fool-ass into their Philosophy program. So that means, I'll be panhandling in downtown San Francisco until I can apply for the Spring..woohoo...
Boy oh boy there's so much to say about San Francisco, and so much I could write about how the choir is full of ignorant, self satisfied, bigots but I will refrain. The sunshine was a welcome change! So was the free wine at Blackstone winery, and shame on those froo froo alumni for not laying out a better spread for us at the University Club! Shame!
It just occured to me that I had one of those life changing revelations on tour, the kind of thing that makes a great bestseller or a blockbuster movie....that is, it would if I could remember what the hell it was!
Can you tell that I'm cranky? I dunno why, I saw Shawn just yesterday... *scratches head*
On the flipside, I'm back in the writer's groove, and my conference paper is looking pretty good right now but I can't help but wonder whether that'll be my last hurrah; the death rattle of my inner philosopher choking to death on a warm spam sandwich during a rushed lunch in a grey office cubicle. Hurrah for capitalism.
In other news, froo froo is my new fav adjective. So there.
Hmmm....so a war kinda broke out while I was on holiday...You know what I have to say to that? Only a pretzel can save us now
California bound folks....see you all on the flipside!
FLIPMODE BAYBEE !!!!
Speak the
God-word and disseminate me
So tired....
(Side note): Y'all are interesting..I post about electronics, everyone has an opinion..I post about lots of man sex, and not a peep...hmmmm.....
Okay but seriously, what is up with all these freshmen coming to Senior Blues? Eh? What? Freshmen at what is supposed to be a seniors only thing? Yes! Why the hell are these gawdamn children showing up at the Hoot to spoil my time bonding with my fellow seniors? ARGH! It's almost becoming the Tuesday night, fuck me coz I'm young night! That's what Saturday's at the Tock are for mofo's ..I better not see you out there after Spring Break coz I will just lose it !!!! ARGH!!!
Ahem
In more soothing and happy events, can I say that the last two dates with Shawn have been just marvellous...mmmm, I think he just proves my rule that older guys are so much more fun to be with, even though he's only a year and half older than I am...we talk (well he does most of it, but that's nice for a change), we laugh, we have a few drinks, we have great sex and then (here's the kicker) we cuddle all night ( cue the awww from the audience) could I ask for more? Pure unadulterated niceness....why can't he just move in to my room? Hehehehe...
I have a seminar presentation for Feminist Philosophy tomorrow....
.... I don't mind having to teach class for a while, because hey, that's what I want to do for the rest of my life, but for chrissakes let me do it on what I want to do it on? Don't tell me I can't talj about Foucault in my presentation simply because you don't want me to..this is my presentation, I know I can make the connections and gawddamit what right do you have to force the class to think your way or not at all? I'm beginning to think that my Philosophy prof (who I love to death) also loves being right all the time, aned can't stand the possibility that one of her heroines may perhaps be open to critique....doesn't matter, if I don't nail Irigaray this time I can do it point by point in my final paper....
I love the smell of toasted French feminist in the morning...smells like...
pie....
:-p
You know what else I have decided? I am switching to Linux 9.0! The new Mandrake build looks lovely and I can't wait to get rid of Windows! It's like getting a Mac without all the hassle and expense of buying one. Plus I get to keep all the nice functions that I have grown so used to on my dear old PC...mmmm, once i get back from San Fran I'm going to have this baby up and running! No more crashes, it supports Opera, partitioning, runs all the MS Office apps I use regularly and gosh darn it, costs a whole lot less than Windows XP!
Ah, guilt assuaged...one simple phone call and that takes care of that.
So now I'm consumed with post purchase guilt and I think I will cancel the purchase, because really....I can't afford to spend ~ $200 right before a trip to SF now can I? Not if I want to go to DC with 'Che in April!!
Buddha have mercy, I've gone and bought myself an Archos Jukebox...
Okay, you know if you are going to tell someone you'll call them at 3, you better damn well call on time..especially if you have to duck out of a gay film festival just to be there for it..men! Hmmph!
It's getting impossible to keep up with all my friends, it's a full time job! If I go to spend an afternoon with one group the other feels gipped and complains, if I decide to spend the rest of the weekend with the girls then the guild crew feels left out...The only way out is to get an android! :-D Hehehe, at least I
have friends to hang out with, I'll stop bitching now
Aaaaaaaaaaaahhh..my head hurts!
Here's why. If male homosexuality is simply imitative of entrenched phallogocentric discourse, then what space is there for "gayness" as differance? I mean, you read Irigaray and she has many a good point to make about the exclusion of woman from discourse and signification but then that is opposed to a singular system of white, male,heterosexist discourse...In effect, even gay men reify and perpetuate the very systems that produce them as deviant subjects. More problematic perhaps in Irigaray is the inkling that she leaves no space for subjectivity or embodiment in relations between men.
For example, she says that a girl's first love is homoerotic in that she loves her mother, but a boy's is heterosexual because his mother is a woman. Well and good if little Johnny grows up to marry Sarah from down the street, but what if he marries Pete from next door? Is the only relationship that men can have with women (gay or straight) dominated by patriarchal structures? Is there any room for an intersubjective relationship between two men that is mutual and
fleshed (I ain't talking 'bout just bump and grind here folks) that takes the form of subjectivity that Irigaray touts for women?
Another thing is if gay men are simply oriented within a phallic economy that invests the phallus/penis with the capital of desire and essentially become """women""" then isn't that analysis simply reinforcing rather than deconstructive? Doesn't male homosexuality undercut the heterosexist phallic paradigm at all? Or *horror* does it fail to do so entirely?
Where's the difference, woman !?!?
Yikes, bad thought!
You wanted more poems? Here you are! These are ones that I wrote in Denmark...happier days...
I
Clouds roll
across the sky like the smoke
from Thor's busy forge.
The brown, ample earth beneath
gently arches its wavy back
feeling the feathery touch of heaven upon its breast.
Here and there
as if sprung up from the black ooze
horses snicker and paw the muddy plains
their breath thick with the spume of Hades.
Everywhere,
a thousand colours
ripple and sway and mutter
in the speckled sunlight
rolling in the fat knowledge
of a thousand thousand mornings.
If you stand
and listen
the wind whispers softly
of ruby speckled shores,
cold iron in the hot grip of ecstatics
and the dim reflection
of fire
in slowly cooling pupils.
Vikings make for nasty neighbours...
II
The Germans built to last,
stone bone and iron teeth
grinning
above ice-blue water
black tongue unfurled
to spit fire and death
most horrible
Ants now crawl
in and out
of that gaping skull
and pose
smiling
for photos.
Heads are wagged
and vows are made to never forget
all the while unheard
over the whir and hum and silicon
the drums of war beat
Again and
Again.
I wrote this after visiting the German fortifications on the north coast of Denmark just 2 days after September 11th
This last one I wrote after coming upon a peace demonstration outside the Kobenhavn city hall quite unexpectedly...
III
On my way home
from other journeys,
I saw them.
Smelt them really,
incense and burning butter
guttering and glittering
midst a twilight Radhuspladsen.
Perhaps two hundred
brave lights
raising their feeble glow
to the darkened sky
on smoky arms of prayer
for
love
peace
understanding.
I watched
a patient handful
light and relight
those yellow diamonds
struggling so bravely
to set alight the chill wind
throwing itself relentlessly
at their glowing cores
Promethean butterflies
weaving and bobbing
a ceaseless dance.
Silently I cheered them on,
zipped up my jacket
and walked for the train.
How little things have changed in the 2 years since!
Well, how do y'all like the nifty redesign? I was getting tired of the old one... :-D
So does that mean I'm productive now? *Shiver*
On a related note, I have become obsessed with the idea of productivity recently: it's become the yardstick against which all my days are measured, how much have I accomplished, how many pages read, how many revolutions in the great cogworks of academia have I turned today? Is that what university is supposed to be like? This endless emphasis on visible products: papers, responses, BlackBoard postings? What ever happened to cogitation and pondering? To discussions and understanding as opposed to this weird system of exchange that just results in a crude barter system, "Me teach you so long, you give me so many pages of bullshit"
Argh..the lengths I will go to to justify myself these days..hehehehe....
Hmmm..i'm feeling very lethargic today, I cannot seem to focus on anything at all..my conference paper. my Foucault reading or even that horrid heap of research papers I need to annotate, and I'm getting paid to do it too! Ah, the horror...
On the other hand, did you know that "Hurrah" is originally a Danish/German/Swedish exclamation? You
betcha! "Huzza" is a sailor's expression and "Hooray" seems to have the same origins as "Hurrah" Interesting. So next time you use those words, remember that they are part of a masculine signifying economy that glorifies violence, bloodshed and rapine as viable economic modes of exchange and social interaction.
Yes indeed
Wipe that blood off your mouth
Of course, not that there's anything
wrong with that per se...
So it's been a month already? Wow, where does the time go? I don't feel like posting anything remotely resembling content so all you get is this semi-coherent rambling...Don't you just love the way I take care of y'all? Happy 1 month!
Whew! Tour's over, all my limbs are intact and I have a pile of work to do...hooray!
