Unborn, Undying

So madness has cooled now to simmering resentment..I can sense my eldest brother's hand in this, he's never been the most trusting of my relatives. I suppose that's what siblings are for in some sense, but he stubbornly believes, deep down, that nothing I do is good enough. There is always some way that I have messed up, or some route I have not explored, or some person I have not yelled at sufficiently. While all that is well and good when dealing with certain people at Res Life, it doesn't work so well when you are trying to figure out what to do with the rest of your life.

It's a simple series of choices really: work, school or deportation. I'd much rather grab the chance to go to school than work at some bullshit job or have to go home to cool my heels for a few months. So be it then, if he feels that I am not worth taking a chance on...

He always seems to be perfectly assured about what I need to do or say, I just wish he would go ahead and tell me rather than wait until I'm almost in extremis gravis

Anyway.

I think the sunny weather yesterday was conducive to insightful thought.. my conference paper is going to be a doozy. Ever have those moments of insight when you can lay out an argument with crystal clarity and know that you have it dead to rights? Well, yesterday was one of those days..now all I have to do is write it out just as I saw it.

If I can stay focused....*mumblegrumblebrothermumble*

posted by WM @ 10:24